I walked back into our home after living in a different city for three months when our daughter was in the hospital. I didn’t want to be there. I loathed the last memory I had of it. It’s where I got the call my dad passed away. It’s the place I was pregnant but never got to bring our daughter home to. It’s where my husband called 911 to bring me back to life after a miscarriage and insane hemorrhage.
When you are in a state of trauma, grief, anxiety, or depression, it’s like you can’t think. No one really knows what to tell you either.
I was asking every counselor I knew how to walk through the tragedies in a healthy way and specific things I could do to help, but I never got much more than it’s normal to feel that way, just acknowledge what you are feeling, go through all of the steps of grieving, get therapy, and step up your self-care.
That’s all true, but there are practical practices you can do every day to help you move through whatever life may have thrown at you. These practices are needed to face all of the trials of life so that they will add more to you than they took away.
If you are in it right now, I’ll tell you what I wish someone would have told me. . .
What I Wish Someone Told Me During The Worst Times of My Life
You are going to feel, learn what to do with it
When I was laying in the back of the ambulance being rushed to the hospital after our daughter was born, I physically couldn’t speak. The emotional pain was far worse than any physical pain I have ever experienced.
How often do you take moments completely away from all stimuli? Looking at a wall. A walk with nothing but yourself. Going to the bathroom with no phone (am I wrong?) A long drive without listening to anything?
I wish someone told me: Every day you need to have one of those moments. Without any input. It’s in those moments with nothing coming in that stuff has the opportunity to get out. You need to get the old energy out. Constant distraction and input will keep you stuck. You are going to feel the darkest most painful emotions, but that’s a good thing. If you stop when they come, name exactly what you are feeling instead of numbing or distracting, they will release and move through. You can’t say goodbye to something you never said hello to. If you do this, you will come out with the most valuable skill very few people have – the ability to face anything. You learn to thrive in the dark.
Most people don’t want to feel pain, depression, anxiety, or overwhelm – but if you are willing to feel it and not medicate, distract, or numb them away, you can choose to alchemize them so they add to you more than they take away. To have the confidence that you could face any circumstance or emotion and be okay is something that will set you above the rest. You can only get there by facing those emotions. You can do it. And you will be a light to everyone around you when you do.
And it’s true. I honestly feel like I can face anything now and be okay because I’ve already felt total darkness and despair and it didn’t kill me, I’m okay. In fact, I am better than before.
Look into Christian energy psychology
I wish someone would have told me: Remember, your mind and body are connected. You can use your body to change and heal your mind. You can use your mind to change and heal your body. You need to clear the trauma from your body so it doesn’t cause blocks that lead to mental and physical imbalance and destructive behaviors. Find a Christian body worker (emphasis on the Christian part) to help you clear the trauma from your body. Check out things like Emotion Code, EMDR, neurofeedback, EFT, TFT, Splanka.
In other words, embrace the whoo-whoo because you won’t be able to think or talk your way out of it. You need to physically release the stored energy from your nervous system.
Find your way to process and do it daily:
To process is to heal. No processing = being stuck in pain, shame, blame, and mental and physical imbalance.
I wish someone would have told me: After experiencing a traumatic event or during a hard season, you need to experiment with and research different ways to process until you find one that works for you.
I was told so. many. times. that I needed therapy and support groups but it turns out that wasn’t helpful to me. Simply talking to people about what happened and how I was feeling always left me even more drained. Everyone processes pain differently. For me, it’s an insane amount of walking (preferably in nature) and writing. I am convinced that writing my first book is what actually saved me. Out of all the therapy, support groups, and everything else I tried, writing is what allowed me to process every event and move it through until I could tangibly feel my soul get free. Now that I know how I process, when something happens I know just what to do. You need to know what that is for you, try different things until you can feel what really works.
Turn Suffering into Sacred Moments
One morning in the midst of it all I was woken up with sheer disappointment and despair screaming loudly at me and I couldn’t make it stop. I got down on my face and I heard God say: “These moments of grief, hopelessness, heartache, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, anxiety, depression – I need you to change the way you see those times of pain. Those are sacred moments for me and you. Those are the moments where the veil is the thinnest and I can be the closest. In those moments your heart is broken, which makes you open for the light and healing to get in, and you can receive more. I take the broken pieces and put them together in a way that is even more beautiful than before. Those are the moments I can do heart surgery on you, taking what has hurt you and giving you what you need. It’s coming up to get out, give it to me so you can be free.”
I wish someone would have told me: If you place all your attention on God during moments of suffering, He will turn them into sacred moments that become some of the most special, intimate moments of your life.
Compassion, forgiveness, validation, & hope
I had so much shame, guilt, anger, regret – you name it, I had it.
I wish someone would have told me: The antidote to shame, anger, and regret is compassion, forgiveness, and hope. Study these areas and how to apply these to your situation. They will completely re-conceptualize and change the way you relate to the past, how you live in the present, and how you see the future. Once you dive deep into these concepts past their shallow application you may think of when you hear these words, true healing begins to happen.
Find of the Week
Even though I recently got rid of almost all of my clothes (went crazy one day), the only thing I participate in on black friday is a good supplement sale.
Fullscript is an online professional-grade supplement dispensary. Basically, I can use my practitioner account to give you discounts on supplements you are already buying.
- go here
- create an account if you do not have one
- click catalog and search for any supplement you need and see if they are cheaper over where you usually buy
This is the biggest sale of the year!
One supplement that has made a HUGE difference for me and everyone I have recommended it to is the Thorne Curcumin Phytosome. It has been shown to rival anti-depressants. If you need a mood boost / want to clear your brain fog, I would definitely try this! It’s 30% off right now.