Inspiration for enjoying motherhood
We were living in Costa Rica and I was on my nightly beach walk while my husband surfed. Every day around 4:30 p.m., we headed to the small beach in our small town in the middle of the jungle.
I’d walk so far that the only things I could see were the ocean on my left and the tropical rainforest with mysterious animal noises echoing all around me on the right. Always at sunset, always gorgeous. . . but a lot of the time, I would be crying.
One night in particular of sobbing alone on the beach is burned in my memory. I know what I was wearing. I remember thinking that this is a moment I will think about years from now. And here we are, almost 10 years later, remembering that moment.
I was living in paradise but I was empty. I wanted to be in my next season. I desperately wanted to have kids, but that wasn’t happening because I couldn’t even get my cycle back. My body felt broken. I felt like I had no purpose. And I wanted to do anything and everything to get to my next stage of life.
Inspiration for enjoying motherhood – What do you think you will think 10 years from now?
When I look back at that time in my life, I have so many moments of. . . . Are you freaking kidding me?! You had all that time to do whatever you wanted, you lived on the beach, you were surrounded by interesting people and diverse cultures. . . Do you know what I would give for that right now?!
It makes me sad to think of what I missed because I was so focused on getting to the next season.
I had a moment today like I did all those years ago.
My daughter refused to nap which then took away my 1 hour of the day I get to write or do anything worthwhile. That bothered me, but as I was holding her and walking around the house, I felt that same weird feeling that this was a moment I was going to remember and look back at years from now.
I can imagine myself 10 years from now, longing for the endless cuddles, to hear the hilarious things that come out of kids mouths, the daily tea parties – even in the midst of the overall juggle of trying to navigate marriage, family, health, work, community- all of it.
I don’t want to miss the insane beauty and uniqueness of this season like I missed a lot in my Costa Rica season.
I’m not trying to make this into a sappy ‘live like today is your last’ or ‘you’re going to miss this so enjoy it now’ rant. Because life is hard and you aren’t going to miss everything.
And if today were my last day, I wouldn’t be spending it cooking and cleaning, you know what I mean?
But I am saying to live in the season you are in like you will think back on it ten years from now.
What do you think you would have wished you could tell yourself? What do you think you are going to miss about that time?
And bring that energy into this moment. This season. Even in the middle of all of the pain, there is good. There are things you are going to miss and you should take full advantage of now.
And if you really want a kick in the pants, when you need a fast perspective shift, treat something you are doing as if it were the last time. Reading a book to your kids, hugging someone, heck even working out, it’s weird what that does.
So today I am reminding myself to not let the pain and the hard or the desire for my next season blind me to experience what is good and unique and part of my story in this season.
Because if you are so focused on the hard or what you want instead of where you are, your brain literally cannot see anything else. (I write all about that here).